Redemption

Looking Up From the Bottom of the Well

     I spent the entirety of my Winter recess reading many different books, some of which included The Huger Games Trilogy as well as the Night Angel Trilogy, among others. I planned on getting my mind in gear for the semester I was about to attack. Not only did I read daily, I studied, before classes even showed a hint of beginning. I studied Calculus daily, weekly, religiously; I studied almost the entire book I had, and made sure I knew everything for the class I was about to retake. I was not risking a failing grade again. 
     I got all my books together, made sure I was taking the classes I needed to. I had to go up to Stony Brook before the semester started to talk to my advisor, get approval to retake Calculus, and to talk about the fact that I was on academic probation, and if I slipped up one more time I would be getting my last warning, and after that I would be kicked to the curb. I made it a defining factor that I would never let myself go like I did in that first semester. 
     And so begun the first semester. I got back to the room that I had rearranged one more time before I left in December, and I got all my things in order. I wasn't packed and ready the night before classes like I was on that first day of the semester, but I was prepared to get my shit together. My roommate and I talked too about doing much better in this second semester than we did in the previous one. One good thing that happened immediately at the beginning of the semester was the third roommate I had, Jing, was moving out because we finally got a detriple offer. I was so happy, not only because this kid rarely ever spoke a word, but also I was going to have a room that would fit myself and Roger comfortably.(I liked Roger, he was a great kid, good friend. I still talk to him today.) 

The Gun Goes Off

     I started off attending all of my classes; I was extremely motivated towards getting As in every single one of these classes. I was attentive in every single classroom, and made sure to drink some coffee too if I had to, although it didn't really do much. I even went to my rowing practices and meetings as well. I was confident in my ability to manage my time, and I also was in love with rowing. As the semester went on, I started getting more and more reluctant to go to practice so that I could sleep, get to class feeling awake, and not rush to study and do my homework so I could get to sleep earlier. 
     I was strong in every one of my classes, except for economics. The first test I took I did very poorly. I studied very hard for this test, but I just didnt fully understand the concepts as I found out during the first midterm. I had expected to get at least an eighty score, but I ended up getting a forty-four. I was not going to have this bring me down. Luckily, the lowest grade was to be dropped, and that would be my only mistake to be made during the semester. Besides that, I got high eighties and  nineties in my other classes, especially in Philosophy and Calculus. I was really pulling my weight, and some.
     Even in my history class, which was not very intersting in the slightest, I was pulling out strong grades. My effort was paying off. In addition to my grades being mostly something to boast about, I met a few new friends that had moved into my building, and they were great. These guys helped to make my floor much more lively, and we did many things together. We created traditions each week, like Jasmine Fridays and brunch every Saturday. Things were looking up!

Fatigue Settles In

     Because I had studied so much for calculus, I didn't need to study as much for the tests as I would for economics. This was a good thing, because economics really needed the extra time. I quit rowing after the first economics midterm; I needed to focus all of myself towards my grades and forget about anything else until I had recovered and could keep my grades where they needed to be. But even with the extra time, I did even worse on the second midterm. As it turned out, this midterm was harder for everyone, but I still managed to scrape up a thirty-eight... a definite failing grade. It was even lower than my previous score, so much for one mistake. 
     Although this was making me lose my head, I realized I had three more tests to go, and I could recover from these mishaps. I had to swallow my pride and get the help I needed. So I asked more from my TAs, and even met an Economics major in my recitation who helped me study. I arranged study sessions with two friends from the class as well as with Wilson, who was one of the new students that moved into my building and who also happened to be on crew with me before and in my class. I was on my way to making the previous two failing grades almost obsolete.

Distractions

     Amidst all of this, I developed an interest for a Kristie Chen. It was alright because she wasn't even in college yet, so we mostly just talked on the phone or texted. But the texts started getting longer and longer, and as we got to know each other, I started to like her more. At the same time, I also started talking to my best friend, Emily, again. That only happened because she broke up with her boyfriend of about a year and quarter, and then she could talk to me again and just have someone to talk to. I was happy to be able talk to my best friend again, I really missed her.
     About a month into my relationship with Kristie, I had a conversation with Emily, and we talked about everything we used to do since junior year in high school. We talked about our feelings for each other that we had before and what happened subsequently after the rejection I got. To be completely honest too, this sparked up the feelings I had for her from over a year before, and I felt bad for that fact too. But then a week later Kristie started asking me questions that shouldn't have even been on her mind so early into the relationship, and I started to notice things about her that I just couldn't stand. I decided a week after that that we should break it off, and that did not go so smoothly at all. I was disintersted in anything.
     But now I mainly just talked to Emily and slowly she let me into what had happened between her and Steve to cause them to break up. But talking to her more frequently now, my feelings were only getting stronger for her. The thought on my mind was, this is the girl I want to be with, and the girl that I've wanted to be with since junior year.
     All the while my inner feelings are sorting themselves out, I'm also trying to study for my classes and lose the weight I realized was killing me. I was working out as hard as I could to drop the excess weight. Unfortunately the whole breakup situation and renewed interest pulled me away from what was important. There was an economics test coming up soon, and I really needed to get on my game for that.

Closing up the year

     I had decided to work out my feelings for Emily in the Summer when I had time for it. Now I was working mainly on my weight and my work. My third midterm in economics I was able to score an eighty-three: A  huge improvement from my last set of grades, but not quite enough. I had to do better than that;  And I did. The following midterm I was able to score a ninety-one. Now I had two good grades and one bad grade. All I needed was to do well enough on the final, and I was set.
    I spent so much time on my economics class I neglected my philosophy homework and therefore that pulled down the total grade I could have received. The final was an easy test, which I was almost late for and almost injured myself seriously getting to it. My history grades were good enough, and lukcily I didn't have the strict professor to deal with my tests and quizzes, just the TA. I put in a lot of effort to this class.
     After all of my finals I went home confident in my grades. I was expecting a minimum GPA of 3.500. I was mistaken again. My economics grade was just barely a C, enough to get me credit for the class. I got an A in Calculus, A in the useless freshmen undegraduate class, B+ in History and a B+ in Philosophy. That C dragged my GPA down to 3.03. My cumulative GPA: 2.3... Nowhere close to my goal. I needed a 4.0.. I didn't just want it, I needed it. But I sold myself short because even though I was focused, I got distracted for a short time in the middle of the semester, and I didn't seek help early enough to salvage my economics grade.
     I worked hard, but not hard enough. I made a great improvement though, and I was happy to be out of academic probation. I could take the classes I needed, but there was no way I could get into the Business School for the Fall of two thousand twelve. I needed a minimum 3.1 GPA, and that meant I needed to definitely get a minimum of a 3.9 to guarantee my entry into the school. My grades showed no real representation of my academic ability, but just that I needed to put more effort into my work. When I put my mind to something I could definitely get it done to the best it could be done, as I proved to myself with my calculus grade. 

... Next time: Falling just short of my goals and not giving my full effort to the cause...